If

©1986 Andrew Calhoun, recorded on Hope

I recorded this as a dialog, with Kat Eggleston, who played guitar on the recording. I knew she could do a better arrangement in two hours than I could in a month. This is the original, solo version of the lyrics. Someone talked me out of "If she were the hair on a dead man's head, I'd be the quiet coffin lid."

If I were the long hand, circling by
She'd be the hour hand, and she'd ask me why
If I were a problem, in a big textbook
She'd be the sister, who'd come and take a look

If she were a mountain, and a mountain valley
I'd be the water, rolling down her belly
If she were the heat of an August day
I'd be the street, where the kids all play

If she were the shoes on a two-bit hood
I'd be the shoe-shine boy, and I'd shine 'em up good
If I were the cast, and she the play
We'd shock the people, and we'd send åem all away

If she were the sand on the ocean shore
I'd build a castle to stand evermore
If I were the sun, and she were the sea
I'd smile down at her and she'd smile up at me